


Thermodynamics

by barfs



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Kinda?, Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5182898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barfs/pseuds/barfs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Prompt: “Living is a constant battle against entropy, but it is always a losing one.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thermodynamics

**Zeroth. There is a game.**

_“If two systems are in thermal equilibrium respectively with a third system, they must be in thermal equilibrium with each other.”_

Much to Midorima’s disdain, Akashi Seijuro will always be the exception. They sit beside one another in the piano room, and instead of pressing his fingers against the black and white keys, Akashi traces Midorima’s throat. He is gentle, and Midorima don’t recoil from his touches. Midorima trusts him. Midorima loves him. 

The pads of his fingers touch, prod and explore before resting over Midorima’s jugular vein to feel his pulse and remind him that he is alive. Sagittarius the Archer would never hurt a loved one, and for that, Cancer the Crab will follow him loyally. In Tokyo, even the brightest of stars are invisible, but Akashi doesn’t seem to mind. He tells Midorima that it doesn’t matter because those stars have been dead for years, and that he himself has been dead equally as long. Akashi laughs. Midorima doesn’t.

In Akashi’s arms Midorima finds solace and equilibrium. In Midorima’s eyes, Akashi could do better because Midorima has nothing to offer but promises that he will never abandon him. Sagittarius the Archer, as Midorima discovered, is a fire that is burning out and has no place with the ashes of commoners, and yet Midorima watches as what was once an inferno slowly dwindles down to dusty smoke and embers. 

_“I’m tired.”_ Akashi murmurs, and his thumb presses lightly on Midorima’s Adam’s apple. Midorima sucks in a breath; Akashi kisses it out of him. What was once equilibrium no longer exists. Sagittarius the Archer brought with him a bow and arrow—a third system with which Cancer the Crab cannot play a balancing act. The bow and arrow cuts deep, it hurts Cancer the Crab, and it protects Sagittarius the Archer. Midorima asks Akashi what he’s doing as hands fall from his throat and to his chest. His fingers twitch with each beat of Midorima’s heart. It beats for him, but Akashi refuses to acknowledge it. 

_“I don’t want to be alone.”_

Midorima doesn’t want to hear it; he wants to yell that he isn’t alone. He has Cancer the Crab, he has his arrows, but he cannot have both.

_“I’m exhausted.”_

Midorima’s heart stops. Akashi’s hands pull away.

**First. You cannot win.**

_“Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. You cannot get something for nothing.”_

In the back of Midorima’s mind, he knew that Akashi would choose his bow and arrow over a water sign the likes of Cancer the Crab. Still, he selfishly hoped that Sagittarius the Archer would be strong enough to leave his bow and arrow behind. Sagittarius the Archer—or Akashi Seijuro burned out long ago, and Midorima realizes now that his kisses always tasted like ash, and had never singed until now.

Midorima promises himself that one day, he will bring Sagittarius the Archer home, even if it means tethering him to a world to which he no longer belongs. It’s kinder than watching him tear himself apart, and it’s a sacrifice that Midorima is willing to make. He promises himself that one day, he will be the one to spoon-feed Akashi defeat, even if Akashi despises him for it. He promises himself that even if Akashi cannot stand to look at him, Midorima will love him until he has nothing to give. Loving a star as bright as Sagittarius the Archer hurts. It burns and singes, but Midorima does not care. He would rather fall in love with the sun, only to crash into the sea where Cancer the Crab belongs, than never see the sun at all.

To Midorima, there is nothing more uncomfortable than unfamiliar territories, and the inner workings of Akashi Seijuro’s mind are a prime example. Midorima knows that Akashi isn’t alone in there, but he doesn’t know how many iterations of his personality reside within him. Whether there are two or two hundred, Midorima would willingly earn to love each and every single one. Loving Akashi Seijuro means emptying everything in his heart to make room for every facet of Sagittarius the Archer, and if that meant never loving another person again, so be it. He loves Akashi enough to tear himself apart, and to bring Akashi down with him.

In the past Akashi never said clichés about how Midorima’s eyes look like emeralds or forests. He would say that Midorima’s eyes look like pools of absinthe, and in those pools, Midorima was determined to drown him, even if it all goes up in flames. 

**Second. You must lose.**

_“You cannot return to the same state. Entropy increases and energy decreases.”_

_“Let me express my gratitude, Shintaro.”_

His mouth is moving, but Midorima can only hear the crackling of fire. It would have been too easy to pull him under with a handshake and Midorima feels stupid to think that Akashi would fall for such a simple trick. He failed the moment he couldn’t even graze the ball with his fingertips in the final seconds of the game, yet he was still trying to bring him back. 

_“It has been a while since I played such a thrilling game… However,”_

Sagittarius the Archer’s bow and arrow hurt more than his flames. 

_“I am sorry, but I cannot accept your handshake.”_

Midorima forgot how much it hurts to look at the sun.

_“If you crave victory, become less compassionate.”_

And Cancer the Crab returns to the sea when he belongs.

_“Victory is everything.”_

In the sea, there are no stars, and there is no fire that burns like Sagittarius the Archer. 

_“I want to be your enemy.”_

The taste of bile tickles the back of Midorima’s throat as Akashi turns on his heel and walks away. Staring at the back of his head has become exhausting.

Somehow Midorima manages to maintain his composure as he bows his head in front of the stands. The look of pity on everyone’s face overpowers the look of disappointment, and it’s almost as though they’ve been brought into the sea with Cancer the Crab. Midorima realizes that he is not alone in the ocean, but in turn, he brought the wrong company. Sagittarius the Archer, Midorima decides, will always be out of his reach.

But, it doesn’t matter. Midorima had quickly grown tired of reaching. He could only shoot so many three-pointers before his arms give and he can’t reach anything but the bottom of the ocean.

_“Eh? Shin-chan, are you heartbroken n’stuff?”_ In the sea, Scorpio the Scorpion tries to nurture Cancer the Crab’s wounds. Takao held him together this long, but even he knows that Midorima can only take so much before his shell cracks. 

_“It’s really frustrating…”_ It’s so frustrating that Midorima wants to scream. _“Losing.”_ The absinthe spills, and neither Sagittarius the Archer nor Scorpio the Scorpion stop it from pouring between Midorima’s fingers.

**Third: You cannot quit.**

_“Entropy approaches a constant value as temperature approaches absolute zero, which you cannot, and will not obtain.”_

_“106-105”_

Watching the destruction of Sagittarius the Archer from the sidelines is terribly bittersweet. While it’s the very thing Midorima wanted, he hoped that he would have been the one showing Akashi defeat so that he could console him afterwards. All he wanted was for Sagittarius the Archer to come home, but as he watches from the stands, he realizes that without his bow and arrow, Sagittarius the Archer is weaker than he thought. Tears streak down Akashi’s face and put out what is left of his flames, and Midorima prepares himself to gather his ashes. Even from a distance he could see how his knees shake and shoulders tremble, and such a pathetic display of weakness doesn’t look good on Akashi. The poised, proper Akashi was the one that Midorima wanted to bring home, and now that he had been stripped of his bow, arrow and crown, he is raw and vulnerable. 

Seirin’s victory was much deserved and what had to happen for Akashi to return, but when he sees crimson eyes blur with tears, Midorima remembers that Akashi Seijuro is not Sagittarius the Archer. Akashi is a high schooler and the only one that would listen to Midorima play music for hours. Akashi Seijuro does not burn because he’s not a star; he’s not the sun, and he isn’t a god. He’s just a boy, and he just so happens to be the boy that Midorima is still very, very much in love with.

When Akashi approaches Midorima outside of the tournament stadium, they stand in silence for a moment while people bustle by to go home to family and loved ones. It’s cold, and Akashi shivers as snow flutters to the ground. He never thought that Akashi could ever look weak, but when the tip of his nose and cheeks were flushed red, he looked absolutely powerless. The look of vulnerability was a touch unnerving, and Midorima holds his breath, waiting for Akashi to crack once more and for that cold façade to come back, but it doesn’t, and Akashi almost looks distraught over it. Akashi is by no means fixed, and continuing to trail after him is guaranteed to lead to more heartache and disappointment, but Midorima’s feet remain cemented to the ground.

_“You don’t have to stay.”_

Akashi exhales, and Midorima reminds himself that his loyalty is strong enough to withstand Akashi’s fall from grace and a lost crown. He just got him back, and Midorima already crossed his fingers with hopes that his return wouldn’t be as ephemeral as his gut said it would be. 

_“Only a fool would stay.”_

Midorima had learned that he is more foolish than anyone would expect. Only a fool would hold on so tight for so long after learning that there is nothing to be salvaged from a relationship that was star-crossed from the start. But because Akashi Seijuro has been—and always will be—the exception, Midorima forgets his horoscope and puts Sagittarius the Archer and Cancer the Crab to the grave. When he is with Akashi, the stars mean nothing. 

_“I lost.”_

He was reborn.

_“I’m nothing.”_

He’s infinite—he’s so much more.

_“I don’t deserve you.”_

He deserves the universe and all the stars he had forsaken.

_“I don’t want to hurt anymore.”_

He doesn’t want to hurt anymore.

Midorima doesn’t either, but when fighting a losing battle against entropy, a little more heartache can’t do any harm.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm super sorry i haven't posted anything in forever and i have requests from months ago i haven't gotten around to but i've been really insecure about my writing... sorry again! i'm trying to get back into the swing of things and hopefully this isn't too terrible..?! 
> 
> references to the laws of thermodynamics are by C.P. Snow..! if you wanna check him out


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